My Encouter with Jealousy

A few weeks ago, I had a session myself around one of my emotions, namely jealousy. As a homework exercise I proposed to my coach to write about this experience. And with that, I would love to share with all of you my vulnerability. My goal with my share is to inspire you to keep growing and to keep doing the work. Are you curious about my rendezvous? Keep reading.

I have been feeling quite a lot of envy lately towards my peers around my slow growing business while others are just fire starting it. So, instead of getting stuck in my feelings, I believe it's stronger and more sufficient to flow in them and listen to what they might have to say.

For all the ones who have seen Human Resources from the Big Mouth Collection, my jealousy took shape similar to the Need Demon. One of the first things my jealousy told me was that it feels so small and so sad: "I want something so badly and I'm not getting it. I dissolve before I get it." This was the first powerful words I spoke as I embodied the jealousy. Think about this for a second: 1) My jealousy on its turn had emotions, 2) When you get what you are jealous about, there is no need for it be there anymore. Interesting!

The conversation that followed was as beautiful as the first words. Asking what the purpose was of the jealousy, it answered: "Showing what Anke deeply longs for, a possible path to follow. Being a mirror to look at her own wounding, her own shit, and responsibility." After tears and some sounding, it told me it wants to work together with me, not against me: "I have something to say, and I want to be listened to. I want Anke to feel me. She can use me as a light in a lighthouse."

As this might make no sense for some, it does make a lot of sense for me! What I take out of my conversation with jealousy is that jealousy might not be as bad as I picture it to be. It can simply be a light guiding me on my path to what I most long for; showing me what I desire.

Even though I don't see my relationship with jealousy completely healed, I do believe I have a better understanding on why it’s there. Clarity is so important to integrate whatever comes up in life. It helps me to accept it being there, without it having to mean more than it does. No fights, just flow.

For all the ones who made it to end, thank you for seeing me in vulnerability while I share this conversation with my jealousy. This is an actual example of what I also do in my coaching sessions. So inspiring, so cleansing, so healing, and also so confronting sometimes.

I would love to hear from you, what is your take from this convo? Feel free to leave it in the comments. Curious!